another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

hi all. again, another long time in between posts. sorry, such is life! and life is busy nowadays. so many updates for you:

i suppose the big thing right now, the ¨turning point¨ is that i officially had my last day this week at Maternidad (the maternity hospital I had been working at). although i had a really beautiful experience and learned so much, and delivered 7 babies (!!!), i´ve decided that it´s time to move on. i was struggling with feeling like i wasn´t really able to make any sort of contribution there. they have a full staff, as well as numerous midwifery interns who are there to learn. at times i felt like i was robbing them of their learning experience, as i was just another person there who lacked the expertise to really be a part of the team. in addition, because they are not really used to having long-term volunteers, i never really received training apart from the occasional obstetriz who was willing to teach me a few things. definitely a beautiful experience, but now that i´m feeling a little more settled in this place, it´s probably time to take more initiative and move on.

this also means that i get to take the fork in the road, which i am honestly looking so forward to! in my days that i was working at maternidad, i will now be working at hospice. honestly, at first this option terrified me, with such limited language and understanding of some of the issues that go into healthcare here. there is something very humbling about doing healthcare in the homes of my patients. it is a completely different role, where i will be the guest, i will have to adapt to their rules, while providing healthcare and a presence of comfort. i anticipate that the true beauty of hospice will be sharing in the lives of my patients and their families; more than wound care, foleys, and injections, but truly entering into their lives at such a critical time, and being present to their needs beyond the physical. i guess i would say that this is the beauty of hospice, but also the beauty of nursing; that is, of taking care of human beings, not just human bodies. i can´t even imagine the new challenges that this work will bring (besides walking around in the killer heat all day!), but i trust that it will be beautifully rewarding.

in addition, starting in february i will be working with a group called ¨Promotoras de Salud¨ (Health Promoters) through the Posta Santa Clara (the clinic i have been working in). Promoturas is volunteer-run program that currently focuses on healthcare of the elderly population in my neighborhood. they serve the elderly through home visits, free healthcare services at the posta, as well as social and spiritual health promotion and events. this year we will be adding families with special needs to the program. i´m still not exactly sure what my role will be, but it will include directing the volunteers, the Promotoras, in their work, in guiding how home visits should be conducted, as well as health teaching for the volunteers. this will be a great challenge, as some of the volunteers have little or no education (at least 2 are completely illiterate, which obviously brings complications of its own). this will be an opportunity to integrate my education with some creativity!

so many people have asked me about how my spanish is coming along…i can´t believe i ever thought that i knew spanish before coming here! it is absolutely incredible how much i have learned and understand now that i didn´t 5 months ago. i still have a long ways to go, but it´s a beautiful thing to find myself comfortable in the language. when jane and julie were gone for 2 weeks traveling in the beginning of january, todd and i committed to speaking only Spanish in the house. and as much as i dreaded it, and even opted for silence at times because of the exhaustion that can accompany conversation, it was proof that i am able to survive in this language, in this place, without those things i often rely on.

jane, julie and i recently hit our 5 month anniversary of being here! into our 6th month, and at times i still feel like we just got here, others i can´t remember what it´s like to live in the states and that reality feels so distant. i am feeling like i am definitely settling into the community more here, with a routine and a solid group of friends, but the settling is juxtaposed with the reality that i will never fully understand this culture, that i will never really be peruvian (for as long as i live here and as many peruvian slang phrases that i throw into conversation to give the appearance of belonging!). i´m sure there is an official name for this phenomenon, but i´ll call it ¨interculturalism¨ or simply integration—that is, the phenomenon of attempting to take on a reality that is not truly your own, to internalize two distinct cultural frames of reference. of trying to understand and experience a life that is not fully attainable. of trying to be a part of a culture that i will never fully understand, because my worldview is grounded in my u.s. culture. i am not attempting to rid myself of this worldview (i realize there is also some really beautiful aspects), but rather to come to a deeper understanding of the human struggle. of what it is that makes us humans, apart from the cultures we know. if anyone has thoughts on this, maybe someone who has officially studied intercultural sensitivity or lived in another culture, please feel free comment on this!

on a lighter note, my sister is coming to visit the first week of march! i am so incredibly excited to see her and especially to travel a little bit. i will be going back to cuzco, but this time, i get to experience a few days of the inca trail, which i have heard is absolutely incredible! it will also be wonderful to have someone here who knows me outside of this context, someone to bridge my two worlds a little bit, and for her to be able to relate to my experience. this also means that if you have been absolutely dying to send me something, but have held off for an opportunity of little to no shipping costs, this is your chance! no pressure at all, just an opportunity; if you need my home address, let me know!

enjoy the snow for me, and take care!