gloria dei vivens homo

it's a bittersweet symphony this life

2010-07-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

you know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your shit that idea of home is gone…you’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it’s just gone. and you can never get it back. it’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. you won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of HOME…

practicing deep breathing seems to be the best thing to do right now. maybe the only thing to do. as terrifying as it is, i am now having to face the truth that my time here is quickly coming to an end. very quickly. and i don’t usually mind CHANGE, but this might be the biggest life change i have ever faced, more so even than moving to peru will be the transition of returning to the states—the definition of home is definitely a fluid concept.

i would like to be selfish and think of myself as the only one feeling the melancholy shift of life, but LIFE has once again left me completely humbled, as so often it does. my transition feels tiny compared with some of the things going on here. my tinyness comes from the horribly tragic death of fiorella, my enamorado anthony’s little sister. in addition to feeling the pain of losing the life i have created here, my own transition has been mixed with the pain and mourning with anthony and his family. it has been the most humble reminder i have ever experienced of the fragility of life. it is indeed a very fragile line between life and death, or maybe not even a line at all, but just one simple BREATH that separates the two.

i continue with the same work in SERVICIOS A DOMICILIO MADELEINE, the program i created back in october for patients with chronic health care need in their homes. it has been such a beautiful learning experience and i will miss my patients and their wacky families so much. although julie and i were fearing the end of the program with the end of our contracts, marcelle and lisa (two other missionaries) have decided to take over in august! anyone who has ever created anything, whether it be a work project, piece of art, or child, knows the joy the i feel at being able to continue with MADELEINE and see the program grow and change.

as far as my work at the parrish, i am still involved in several groups. ENGLISH CLASSES continue as normal and it looks like the program will also continue with paul and roberto, two of our peruvian students who also teach. i love my students, but one of the hardest transitions will be leaving my group of elderly, PROGRAMA ADULTO MAYOR—a group i have worked with and led for over a year. i will be leaving them in the hands of the health promotoras from the posta santa clara, and unfortunately will be missing their big week-long celebration in the end of august. i get to plan the events for the celebration and the big party, but won’t be here to actually celebrate with them…and true, they are old, but still maintain that beautiful peruvian spirit, and love to dance!

the most difficult group at the parrish to say goodbye to will be EXODO, the band that i sing with, and my best friends here. i don’t know how many endless hours we’ve spent rehearsing and experimenting with music and goofing around. i've always loved singing at the top of my lungs when i'm home alone, but exodo has made me realize that i need to sing out loud. always. i might just need to do a little auditioning back in the states…

i’ll leave you all with some concluding thoughts from my journal entry today—
and i’ll be leaving chimbote (in only one breath-long month) not with my head held high and my heart light (as some have suggested)—but with my shoulders shrugged, my hands and mind open, and my heart heavy. i tried. i learned—maybe too many things that i protected myself from before. too many universal truths and occurrences that i can’t compartmentalize to peru or chimbote. things of pain and heartbreak and social exclusion, of struggle and corruption and disorder. things that my bubble-wrapped worldview couldn’t have grasped before. but then there are those truths that aren’t quite so skeptical—things of divinity and collective soul and of community and hospitality. I feel like i'm entering a world that is no longer my own. or maybe it never was and i always suspected i needed to get away to realize it. a world of order, convenience, control, of pretty complexions and pretty people wrapped in pretty clothes, an icon for ideal that can be purchased, but only for a certain ignorant few.

breathe deeply. love fully.

-corina

we are all in this together

2010-01-30T11:08:00.000-08:00

for one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
-rainer maria rilke

a modified excerpt from my journal this morning:
...and what have i learned here?! i may not have changed the world in a huge way, but i am learning about humans, about life, about the struggle. i am learning how sensitive i am, how reliant on close relationships, the capacity that i have to look beyond surface definitions or situations and truly forgive, the power that we all have to hurt one another, even without meaning to, in fact, most always without wanting to. i am learning the true power of human connections, the beauty in broken relationships, because they are all broken. we are all hurt, bent, twisted, broken, beautiful. but then again, we all do the best with what we have--and i truly believe that. that is the one thing that keeps beauty in the world--the drive, the push to continue, even through the struggle...and the desire, the need to reach out to another. the need to step outside ourselves in a trivial act of solidarity. to break the barrier, let someone in, and know that we are all in this together.

amazon trail

2009-11-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

new pictures added from my adventure to the peruvian amazon with mom. plus a few from lima and our day trip to huanchaco. click on the pictures link on the right, then courtney's pictures tab, then the album "amazonas octubre 09". it was an INCREDIBLE trip. just like the discovery channel. and absolutely BEAUTIFUL sharing this part of my life with mom. enjoy!

spring forward

2009-10-10T12:36:00.000-07:00

there is no place so awake and alive as the edge of becoming. –sue monk kidd

the last few months have been absolutely CRAZY! they have brought huge changes, both with the community as well as in my work and personal life. as always, there’s been beautiful highs matched with painful lows, and the continuous promise of good things to come.

well, i guess i’ll start where i left off in mid-july: changes in the community. in september, todd wrapped up his 2 years in chimbote with numerous going-away parties and events. we had several weeks of good-byes, matched with more welcoming events for jenn and marcelle. it was hard to say good-bye, as todd has been such an essential part of our first year here, but he’s off on his own adventures yet again, with the assurance that his time as an IWM was fruitful. he’s left his fingerprints on so many beautiful projects in chimbote!

one of the highlights of the going-away events was a weekend trip to cajamarca with JUMIFRA, the youth council at the parish. 17 of us headed into the andies for a gorgeous weekend trip. it was absolutely beautiful! we spent the time exploring several incan sites, the beautiful incan/colonial city, and just enjoying time as a group outside of chimbote. it was such a privilege to go with JUMIFRA. most of them are our close friends and they don’t often have the opportunity to travel—a beautiful experience to be able to share together. highlights of the trip were: hiking through incan ruins, breathing clean air, climbing the cerro to get a gorgeous view of the city, a quick rainstorm (the first for our chimbotano friends who only know life in the desert), and the incan baths (which are hot springs that have been built up to be small public bathtubs—possibly not very sanitary, but being submerged in hot water felt awesome…something i will never again take for granted in the states).

we’re now starting to settle down a little bit as a community of 5 women! jenn jumped right in at the parish, taking over many of the roles that todd had occupied including confirmation classes, theater, and helping with english. she’s also thinking about starting a woman’s group at the parish. this had been a dream for jane and i since we started our time here, but hasn’t happened yet for lack of extra time, so we’re all really excited that jenn will help make it a reality! i’ve always been interested in feminist spirituality, but being a woman in a machismo society has made me much more aware of the feminine wound and societal limits that are placed on women…

marcelle, julie, and i have been busy with our new program—Servicios a Domicilio MADELEINE. this is the project that i had mentioned before—home health care for patients with chronic health issues or short-term home-health needs. julie and i have been in charge of the project, along with an administration intern at hospice, and it has certainly been a learning experience! i never in my life thought i would be starting a new business in a foreign country! after months of planning and meetings and making supplies by hand, we’re proud to report that after only a week, we have 2 patients! poco a poco, no? next week we are hoping to have a few more join—we’re planning several campaigns to spread the word about the program and hopefully widen our patient base. we’ve been assured that there is a great need for a service like this in chimbote, but like most things in peru, it just might take a little time to get rolling.

this also means that my time officially working for the posta and hospice has come to an end. i will still be available to help with certain projects, but my focus will be on MADELEINE. i ended my time with the posta with a bang—a huge health campaign that i planned with one of the other nurses in a zone of chimbote that is incredibly impoverished. i’m happy to say that it was a huge success! our focus was on children between the ages of 1-9, and we were able to offer medical consults, fluoride dental treatments, nutritional diagnostics and nutritional counseling (about 25% of the kids we worked with are malnourished), treatment for parasites, hemoglobin/anemia testing, free hair-cuts, and family planning consults with a midwife—many much-needed services to an area that cannot afford healthcare.

and the fun part: i get to be a nurse by day, and a singer in a rock band at night! another thing i never thought i would be doing in a foreign country! or really anywhere. the group has been in progress for about 2 years now with some guys from the parish, but just recently has officially started! we began rehearsing in mid-september and have already had 3 shows, including a big concert downtown in one of the plazas overlooking the ocean! there’s a horrible video of the show that i’ll try to get posted on youtube as soon as i get a copy. although it takes every free minute, it has been a ton of fun! i’ve always loved to sing, but life in chimbote has made me realize my need to sing out loud as much as possible!

other great news: my mom is coming next week! it will be beautiful to share my chimbotana life with her—to show her where i work, who my friends are, what i’ve been doing with my life—all the things a mom needs to know about her baby girl.

ALSO!!! we just got internet in the house! very exciting news! i can hopefully update this blog more than once a season, as well as be much more available to skype with YOU.

take care. laugh often. love well.

txt msgs

2009-09-15T07:32:00.000-07:00

hey all. to the few of you who have sent text messages to my phone, MY CODE HAS CHANGED. the clave is now:

122486

keep them coming. it´s always nice to know that you´re loved!

highs and lows

2009-07-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

lord, grant me the serentity to change the things i can, the courage to accept the things i cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference. –st francis of asisi

a new season means it´s about time to update you again. it has finally turned into winter here. for all the midwesterners reading this, you would laugh at the word, as winter here basically means highs in the 60s and lows in the 50s…pretty mild to apply the word, but chimbotanos are cursing the weather and cringe whenever they have to go outside…i personally am really enjoying the break from the heat. things like walking through the market or between patient`s houses for hospice seem so much more manageable these days…although, other simple tasks like drying laundry are much more difficult, considering clothes take a few days to dry without the sun.

june was a complete roller coaster for me—it brought both the highest highs and lowest lows of my experiences thus far in peru. i won´t go into the lows here, but i will tell you that i took a much-needed vacation! my beautifully amazing friend heidi (from my loyola years) came down to visit me! the visit could not have come at a better time, as i was in dire need of seeing some of the more beautiful parts of peru, being reminded of the incredible country and culture i live in, but mostly, needing to be in the presence of someone who loves me and knows me outside of this context. we dined well in cuzco, climbed the mountains of macchu picchu, and enjoyed the tourist sites of lima. this being my third time to macchu picchu, i was almost dreading the actual travel part of heidi´s visit. as i mentioned when allie came, there´s an incredible guilt that comes with seeing a part of the country that most of my peruvian friends will never have the opportunity to see, especially when i am choosing to live in solidarity with them. however, the third time was indeed a charm! we went during the festival of inti rami—the incan festival of the sun, which celebrates the winter solstice and honors the sun god. unfortunately, we weren´t able to go to the festival`s culmination, a ceremonial sacrifice of two llamas, one balck and one white, in the ruins of sacsayhuamán. it was incredible to be there during that time, as cuzco became an unending party with countless parades and dancing in the streets. the most beautiful part for me was that the majority of the people celebrating were peruvians. obviously there were a ton of tourists, but it was encouraging to see a cultural festival in cuzco that brings peruvians together, one that is not designed specifically for gringo tourists.

june also brought another huge festival specific to fishing cities like chimbote—the feast of san pedro and san pablo (saints peter and paul, patron saints of fishers and farmers). the city was filled with events and fairs and concerts. it was incredible to see chimbote come so alive! san pedrito ends on june 29th with a special ceremony—the idol of san pedro is carried down to the port in a procession of incense, flowers, and hymns. the entire city watches as the statue is carried by boat throughout the bay to bless the waters.

a quick update on work situations—
work at the posta continues to be a little challenging. currently i am working two days a week in the clinic, as well as one afternoon with the promotoras de salud (health promotors). i could not have imagined what i was getting myself into when i accepted the title of leader of the group, a title that continues to frustrate and humble me! i had anticipated that i would be there as a reference person for the health teaching aspect. instead, i have been charged with leading the group in all senses of the word, which has been incredibly challenging, to say the least. imagine going to pluto and being handed a group of baby aliens and told, ``well, they`re all yours`` without any sort of instruction, knowing what to feed them, where to get diapers, or means of communication with the little devils. well, this might be a bit extreme, but it has been interesting! i have definitely had to look to outside resources and be creative with what i do with them, but the truth is, i´m still not exactly sure where to go with them sometimes…if anything, it has been another lesson in humility and creativity…

time at hospice continues to go really well. i currently spend three days a week doing home visits in the community, although i am considering adding more time in the upcoming months…i feel like it was a smooth transition, and my time there is always well-spent. a typical day consists of visits to 8-11 patients, providing wound care, IVs, bed baths, massages, foley and nasogastric tubes, and spending time chatting with patient and family. one of the most beautiful parts has been working with the staff. as difficult as the subject matter is of hospice care, they always seems to bring joy to the work and truly touch the lives of the families we work with. that is the true beauty of hospice: providing patients dignity in death while allowing them to continue living fully in the last phase.

last week at hospice, i had another ´´this is why i`m here`` moment. the patient i was with has always been one of my favorites—he just turned 20 and is dying of leukemia. i ended up at his house alone for about an hour, waiting to meet up with the rest of my team to visit more patients. he isn´t much of a talker, and is generally pretty depressed, but always seems to brighten up a little and talk with me. it was so basic, but we had beautiful time of just playing cards and talking and laughing. it seems trivial, but it´s moments like these that remind me of my mision here and encourage me—i am alive to love god and love others, whatever that may look like, and not just in chimbote. i was laughing out loud, thinking about how beautifully sacred the moment was.

we are also in the beginning of planning and brainstorming for a new ministry in chimbote. hermana juanita is dreaming about starting a home-visiting program for patients with cronic illnesses. the work would be very similar to hospice, but we would be serving a different patient population. many of the potential patiants are people who are interested in hospice care but do not necessarily qualify, as their diagnosis is not yet terminal. the project is still in the beginning phase, but i`m really excited about being a part of the group that will initiate this much-needed service in chimbote.

i have also been working with the youth at the parrish in preparing them for confirmation. it has definitely had it´s challenges, but mostly in the frustrations of typical peruvian meetings, such as starting at least an hour late every week! but on the other hand, i have really loved getting to know the kids and spend time with them. i honestly love kids at that age and i am finding that peruvian adolescents are remarkably similar to u.s. adolescents! we had a huge confirmation event last weekend at the parrish as a way of introducing the kids to the other groups. the day consisted of numerous relay races, a dance-off, and a concurso de barras—each group performed a song and cheer in competition with the other groups. although my community of kids took third place (mostly due to faulty judging…), it was a lot of fun. one of the beautiful things about this culture is that although adolescents still get embarassed easily, they always love a good dance competition.

the end of winter will also come with some major changes for our missionary community. todd will be coming to the end of his two-year term in august and is headed back to california. it will be incredbily hard to see him go, and all of chimbote is already wondering about how some of his projects will continue in the upcoming years. one project that he will be leaving in the hands of the youth council of the parrish as well as the missionaries, is constructing a new youth center at the parrish! the community is really excited about this project, as it will provide computers, classrooms, as well as general space to hang-out. there is unfortunatley very little for youth to do in chimbote, along with limits of safety, so the project is being met with great anticipation and excitement! much of the funding is coming from outside sources, and we are still looking for financial support. if you are interested in supporting the center financially or with materials, please let me know by sending an email: courtneyjcranston@gmail.com. thank you for the support!

fortunately, we will also be recieving two new missionaries in august! jen is a recent graduate from st. louis university and is going to be working in the parrish. we are all hoping that she will continue some of todd`s ministries as well as bring some fresh ideas to the parrish. marcelle is an experienced nurse from texas. she is thinking about joining us at hospice, and hopefully helping with the new home-visitng program (although she doesn`t know that yet!!). the transition will definitely be challenging, but i am really excited to have fresh new faces and be reminded of the excitement and energy of starting a new mission!

love god. love others.
-corina

fotos

2009-05-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

new album added from camping on the beach, retreat in tortugas, and bullfighting in trujillo (see photo link on the right). enjoy!

breathing space and bullfights

2009-04-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

i never realized that broken glass could shine so brightly.
leonard bernstein´s mass

first of all, please forgive my poor English skills—i´m finding myself in limbo right now, balancing somewhere between english and spanish, but not fully grasping either at the moment. so, highlights:

camping: in the middle of march, a group of us took advantage of the beauty of south america and went camping on the beach in besique! we only went for one night, but it was probably one of the highlights of my entire (almost) 8 months in chimbote! we arrived in the late afternoon and caught the last few hours of sunlight catching HUGE waves and bodysurfing into shore. the lifeguards were pretty upset that we were swimming out so far, but then again, they had reason to be concerned, considering many chimbotanos do not know how to swim. that night we built a huge campfire on the beach and then slept in a make-shift tent of old plastic bags under a little thatched roof. although the chill at night was miserable, it was so beautiful laying under the stars with the waves crashing just meters away, hanging out with beautiful friends. in the morning, we attempted to go fishing to make our own fresh ceviche, but were unable to catch anything because of the incredibly huge waves, crashing into us on the rocks. apart from being wonderfully fun, it was also a beautiful picture of south america, enjoying the beaches and playing in the surf with several people who have truly become close friends in such a short time here.
retreat: the day after camping, hermana leonila, todd, jane, julie and i left chimbote yet again for our annual retreat. we went to a beautiful little retreat center that the diocese owns in the small beach town of tortugas, about an hour south of chimbote. we spent the entire week in near-silence: journaling, praying, doing yoga, reading through old journals, resting, and spending time as a community. such a beautiful break from the chaos and dust of chimbote and absolutely refreshing for my soul. a short description of tortugas from some stream-of-consciousness journal time:
18.3.09 6 PM i am sitting overlooking what feels like the shell of a fishing town—quiet, almost-deserted, looking at a peaceful bay of small one-man fishing boats reflecting the last rays of the setting sun casting drops of light into the green clear water below, surrounded by hazy mountains of sand and and fury, guarded by pink and purple clouds; listening to the whispers of peaceful waves playing on smooth black rocks, punctuated by the hunt of sea birds diving for dinner and the distant calls of simple fishermen retiring their nets in defeat. A scene that fits better in the alchemist, on the shores of algeria, but never even imagined in totugas, peru.
feria de san jose: in march we also took advantage of an invite from an older friend (aka sugar daddy) to take a day-trip to trujillo, a wealthy city on the coast a few hours north of chimbote. we went for the celebration of san jose, the patron saint of trujillo. they model the festival after the running of the bulls in spain! it was pretty incredible—they actually ran bulls through the narrow streets of the las delicias neighborhood, then had a ceremonial bull fight! i had never seen one before, and while i had been warned, it was still quite violent and bloody. but beyond the bloodshed was a beautiful art that was celebrated. the bullfighters were kids—one was 12, the other 19! but the art of bullfighting runs in their blood—their father and grandfather have both been in the ring, and were there encouraging and cheering for the next generation. after the bullfight, we went to a fancy dinner with the former mayor of chimbote, as well as other very wealthy peruvians of varying titles and fame. it was such a treat, but depressingly ironic to be sitting outside the gorgeous glass house of the rich and famous, sipping expensive wine and talking about the extreme poverty of chimbote…
wedding: a few weeks ago, the girls and i were invited by a friend to go to a wedding in a tiny town outside of chimbote. it was so beautiful to be invited to share in the special day of 2 complete strangers, but the whole party welcomed us with open arms. it was pretty similar to a wedding in the states. the actual service was simple, little more than a regular mass, but the reception after was a huge party! the orquestra from one of the main discos in chimbote played for the reception. main differences in a peruvian wedding reception:
o music is pure cumbia, salsa, and huayno (go here to learn more about huayno). and everyone dances!
o party favors were wine, beer, cigarettes, halls cough drops, and rolls of toilet paper
o even though the party was still going strong, we decided to leave around 7 am to get a little sleep!
hospice: in february i started working with the hospice program run by the sisters of charity. it has definitely been a challenge, but overall i am loving the work. it is so beautiful to be able to go into the homes of my patients at such an incredibly painful time and truly connect with both the patient and the family. in my limited experience, i have already found that while death of the patient may be dreaded or feared, it is often met with a sense of relief. and the staff that i work with at hospice has the beautiful work of easing that transition and simply being a loving presence
semana santa (holy week): easter in peru is so much more than a few extra people at church on sunday and honey ham! the celebrations start the week before on saturday. i went with several friends from the parrish to climb the cerro de paz (hill of peace) and participate with about 2,000 other people in the stations of the cross. in most cities in south america, the tallest hill or mountain boasts a huge cross. this is the effect of the christianization of south america. as high spaces were often the holiest places for indigenous religions, the spanish chose to place crosses on top of the highest hills to symbolize the sovereignty of christianity. so in this now-christian nation, as a symbol of repentence and in memory of jesus´s journey to golgatha, every year there is a huge procession up the mountain, culminating in mass at the top. although hot and crowded, it was a pretty cool experience. and, being the only gringa in the crowd, i was singled out for an interview and made my peruvian radio debut!

the celebrations continued throughout the week with a palm sunday procession and numerous special services throughout the week. on holy friday, the youth of the parrish acted out a live stations of the cross through the streets of chimbote. it was pretty interesting to be a part of, and we actually gatherd a pretty good crowd that followed to the last station. all of my roommates participated, todd having the honor of playing jesus (hopefully not perpetuating stereotypes of jesus as white middle-class, but because no one else wanted to do it!). it was a pretty powerful image to be standing in a dirt soccer field after dark, with three people above the crowd hanging on crosses and the eerie sounds of women weeping at the feet of jesus.

todd´s brother and sister arrived on saturday with their significant others and we dyed easter eggs with some peruvian friends--and i realized what a strange tradition it is! for easter sunday, we had a huge feast at our house with the roommates, todd´s family, and all of the incarnate word sisters in chimbote, complete with pisco sours and an easter egg hunt--a beautiful mix of cultures!

overall: things are going pretty well here! after 8 months, i still feel like i am discovering new things and being awed by the culture and humbled by how little i know about the world. but on the other hand, life is normal(ish), i have a beautiful community, and i´m forgetting bits and pieces about what life was like in the states. as it starts to cool down a little here as fall approaches, i am missing spring in the states and all the excitement and new life and beautiful green buds...but then again, i am learning to appreciate the beauty here, generally in subtler places.

so breathe in the fresh air, be thankful, and laugh with delight!

back to reality...

2009-03-11T15:06:00.001-07:00

but it actually feels pretty good to be ¨home¨ in chimbote, although time with allie has made me miss all the comforts of home terribly...

pictures of our adventure are up. enjoy!

http://mividaperuana.shutterfly.com/

vacay!

2009-02-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

and it´s about time! i am so incredibly excited. i´m headed out to lima today to pick allie up at the airport. then we´re off to cuzco, inca trail, macchu picchu--you know, the safe, tourist-version of peru! then we´ll come back to chimbote for a few days, so she can see the other side of peruvian reality.

i abosolutely cannot believe that today marks our 6 month anniversary of being in chimbote. and how will i celebrate?! a HUGE hug from someone who loves and knows me (it has been 6 months since i had one of those!). what more could i ask for?

another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

2009-01-30T13:54:00.000-08:00

hi all. again, another long time in between posts. sorry, such is life! and life is busy nowadays. so many updates for you:

i suppose the big thing right now, the ¨turning point¨ is that i officially had my last day this week at Maternidad (the maternity hospital I had been working at). although i had a really beautiful experience and learned so much, and delivered 7 babies (!!!), i´ve decided that it´s time to move on. i was struggling with feeling like i wasn´t really able to make any sort of contribution there. they have a full staff, as well as numerous midwifery interns who are there to learn. at times i felt like i was robbing them of their learning experience, as i was just another person there who lacked the expertise to really be a part of the team. in addition, because they are not really used to having long-term volunteers, i never really received training apart from the occasional obstetriz who was willing to teach me a few things. definitely a beautiful experience, but now that i´m feeling a little more settled in this place, it´s probably time to take more initiative and move on.

this also means that i get to take the fork in the road, which i am honestly looking so forward to! in my days that i was working at maternidad, i will now be working at hospice. honestly, at first this option terrified me, with such limited language and understanding of some of the issues that go into healthcare here. there is something very humbling about doing healthcare in the homes of my patients. it is a completely different role, where i will be the guest, i will have to adapt to their rules, while providing healthcare and a presence of comfort. i anticipate that the true beauty of hospice will be sharing in the lives of my patients and their families; more than wound care, foleys, and injections, but truly entering into their lives at such a critical time, and being present to their needs beyond the physical. i guess i would say that this is the beauty of hospice, but also the beauty of nursing; that is, of taking care of human beings, not just human bodies. i can´t even imagine the new challenges that this work will bring (besides walking around in the killer heat all day!), but i trust that it will be beautifully rewarding.

in addition, starting in february i will be working with a group called ¨Promotoras de Salud¨ (Health Promoters) through the Posta Santa Clara (the clinic i have been working in). Promoturas is volunteer-run program that currently focuses on healthcare of the elderly population in my neighborhood. they serve the elderly through home visits, free healthcare services at the posta, as well as social and spiritual health promotion and events. this year we will be adding families with special needs to the program. i´m still not exactly sure what my role will be, but it will include directing the volunteers, the Promotoras, in their work, in guiding how home visits should be conducted, as well as health teaching for the volunteers. this will be a great challenge, as some of the volunteers have little or no education (at least 2 are completely illiterate, which obviously brings complications of its own). this will be an opportunity to integrate my education with some creativity!

so many people have asked me about how my spanish is coming along…i can´t believe i ever thought that i knew spanish before coming here! it is absolutely incredible how much i have learned and understand now that i didn´t 5 months ago. i still have a long ways to go, but it´s a beautiful thing to find myself comfortable in the language. when jane and julie were gone for 2 weeks traveling in the beginning of january, todd and i committed to speaking only Spanish in the house. and as much as i dreaded it, and even opted for silence at times because of the exhaustion that can accompany conversation, it was proof that i am able to survive in this language, in this place, without those things i often rely on.

jane, julie and i recently hit our 5 month anniversary of being here! into our 6th month, and at times i still feel like we just got here, others i can´t remember what it´s like to live in the states and that reality feels so distant. i am feeling like i am definitely settling into the community more here, with a routine and a solid group of friends, but the settling is juxtaposed with the reality that i will never fully understand this culture, that i will never really be peruvian (for as long as i live here and as many peruvian slang phrases that i throw into conversation to give the appearance of belonging!). i´m sure there is an official name for this phenomenon, but i´ll call it ¨interculturalism¨ or simply integration—that is, the phenomenon of attempting to take on a reality that is not truly your own, to internalize two distinct cultural frames of reference. of trying to understand and experience a life that is not fully attainable. of trying to be a part of a culture that i will never fully understand, because my worldview is grounded in my u.s. culture. i am not attempting to rid myself of this worldview (i realize there is also some really beautiful aspects), but rather to come to a deeper understanding of the human struggle. of what it is that makes us humans, apart from the cultures we know. if anyone has thoughts on this, maybe someone who has officially studied intercultural sensitivity or lived in another culture, please feel free comment on this!

on a lighter note, my sister is coming to visit the first week of march! i am so incredibly excited to see her and especially to travel a little bit. i will be going back to cuzco, but this time, i get to experience a few days of the inca trail, which i have heard is absolutely incredible! it will also be wonderful to have someone here who knows me outside of this context, someone to bridge my two worlds a little bit, and for her to be able to relate to my experience. this also means that if you have been absolutely dying to send me something, but have held off for an opportunity of little to no shipping costs, this is your chance! no pressure at all, just an opportunity; if you need my home address, let me know!

enjoy the snow for me, and take care!

reflexiones de navidad

2008-12-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

songs are up...a little late for christmas, but not too late to enjoy! go here: www.reverbnation.com/raymundoycorina

this wasn´t my first christmas away from home, but definitely my first so far away from friends and family. i would be lying if i said it was the most wonderful time of the year--it has been the most challenging--but it has also been beautiful, in a very strange new way. we started the christmas festivities on the 23rd with a festival de villancicos (christmas carol concert) and it was hilarious. we sang with our english classes, and it´s no wonder they´re studying english and not music performance! despite sounding a little rough, it was really beautiful in a clash-of-cultures sort of way. there aren´t many people in chimbote who speak english, so i think it was (hopefully) entertaining for the audience (despite the entertainment of our disharmony!). todd and i did a little duet of my absolute favorite ¨o holy night¨ and it went really well and just confirmed the fact that i was created to sing on stage. jaja.

after we had a little birthday party for me in our patio. honestly, because my birthday falls on christmas eve, i had forgotten what it was like to have a huge birthday bash with friends! it was so much fun, and true to peruvian tradition, we stayed up until well after sunrise dancing to salsa and cumbias.

on the 24th, the girls took me out to our favorite restaurant downtown, then went for a little paseo to the mar. the malecon (seawall) is my second favorite place in chimbote. so peaceful, and though it reeks of burning fish this time of year, it´s one of the few places to sit and enjoy chimbote. that night, we went to christmas eve mass. a typical christmas mass, although it wasn´t actually much busier than a typical sunday mass, which seemed unusual to me. after mass, we went over to our friend tanya´s house for dinner. at midnight, the ritual here is to place the baby jesus in the manger scene and then, and only then, you´re allowed to hug everyone and say merry christmas. true to peru, we ate dinner around 1 AM, then danced the night away in her living room. it was beautiful to spend the night with an actual family, i feel like i have had so little family interaction here, and to observe the family roles--complete with the typical dad jokes.

on the 25th, we had lunch with the dominican sisters and our incarnate word sisters--basically a gathering of all the religious who are in chimbote, far away from family. it was really nice to eat a u.s. style meal, complete with a cheese plate, mashed potatoes, camote (basically sweet potatoes), and ham! oh, and also nice to spend time with them!

and tonight, just to keep the insane amount of activity going, we´re off to lima to finalize our immigration business. hopefully we won´t run into any problems like we had with the consulate in ecuador...

pictures coming soon!

con amor,
corina

bummer

2008-12-25T16:38:00.000-08:00

my apologies. unfortunately, none of my songs were posted on reverbnation, but keep checking the site and i will try to post them soon. so have yourself a merry little christmas, and thanks for all the love, prayers, and energy sent my way!

dreaming of a white christmas

2008-12-24T16:01:00.000-08:00

¡feliz navidad! and thanks for all the birthday wishes.

i have a whole villancico (christmas carol) album recorded, but unfortunately was only able to download 1 song. so here´s my regalito:

www.reverbnation.com/raymundoycorina

to everything, turn, turn, turn

2008-11-27T14:15:00.000-08:00

two posts in one month?! i´m getting out of control...

my roommates and i are leaving tonight for ecuador! we need to leave the country to pick up our visas. even though we´ll only be gone for about 60 hours (about 40 of which will be on the bus :( ), i am so looking forward to getting outside of chimbote for a little bit. just to be reminded of the world outside of this city. although chimbote is a city that is well-connected to the outside world by buses and boats, it can feel so isolating...
it´s so strange to think that i´ve been here long enough to note the changing seasons. just as the holidays role around, and i´m craving the smell of fall and a chill in the air, it´s getting warmer here and the days are getting longer (sunday will be the official start of beach season!). i would be happy if it stayed just like this for a while--a nice spring--hot during the days and cool at night, but all the chimbotanos keep reminding me this is nothing yet. i guess that´s what i get for choosing to live so darn close to the equator.
today at work, i was chatting with a patient who was waiting to be seen, as well as with one of the doctors. the patient was asking me all the typical questions (who i am, what i´m doing here, how long, how much i miss things at home, how i learned spanish), when the doctor commented on my language ability. he said i only spoke ¨poco poco¨ castellano when i arrived, but he was impressed with how much i´ve picked up. now, i would like to think i came here with more than ¨poco poco¨ (give me a break!), but it was great to hear that others have noted my improvement. i definitely am finding castellano easier, and it´s so exciting when i have an all-around good communication day! i have yet to have a dream in spanish (which you know i have been waiting for), but several times i´ve woken up thinking in spanish, which is such an encouraging sign! pero, poco a poco.
healthcare. ridiculous sometimes. i have had many frustrating days, where i spend hours folding gauze or rolling cotton balls (no, seriously). but those days are punctuated by some really exciting things that i get to do--actually, i´ve had an awesome week at work. i delivered another baby yesterday! and then today i got to suture a guys head! oh yeah.
my roommate jane had some visitors here this weekend from the states. we had a great time showing them around and introducing them to all of our friends, but it was so strange to be surrounded by english and gringos again. and it absolutely made me miss my people who know me outside of this context. we went over to our friend alex´s house for a cuyada one night (cuy--guinea pig, remember?), and i was struck with such a weird realization. i am in limbo right now. i am shifting between two worlds, and i´m not exactly sure where i fit anymore. i don´t particularly like the taste of cuy, but it didn´t gross my out to have a little clawed rodent foot on my plate. i didn´t exactly identify with jane´s friends, but then i´m not exactly peruana either. i´m losing parts of my english, but then i struggle with spanish...and as challenging as it is, i just need to take a deep breath, and remind myself of the beauty in this tension.
i think this is my first thanksgiving away from my family, and that´s really challenging. i know that the entire holiday season will be really challenging for me, and i realize how much i´ve taken some of those typical comforts for granted. i almost miss the chaos of finals and of end-of-the-year stuff. and christmas carols! it´s so weird that i haven´t already been saturated in christmas music! at home, i refuse to listen to christmas music before thanksgiving, but here, i´ve broken my own rule. there´s something so absolutely comforting in the songs that have literally surrounded me since the day i was born, that i can sing in my sleep, and honestly, just feel like they are a part of me (a sliver of u.s. culture that i am actually missing pretty desperately). i´ve been playing ¨o holy night¨ on my guitar, and everytime i do, it´s like a deep breath of something warm and familiar. so, on this thanksgiving, where i ate ceviche and rice to celebrate, a list of things that i am thankful for in this moment:
music that transcends language barriers
quiet moments on my roof, usually with a cup of instant coffee
heart-to-heart conversations in castellano
the resources to choose to do whatever i want to do with my life
the ease with which i can travel, just because of the label on my passport
knowing that i am loved and known, even from thousands of miles away

what is making your heart glad, right now, in this moment? happy thanksgiving.

i feel the earth move under my feet

2008-11-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

i apologize for my lack of posting, which so many have commented on! honestly, part of it is because things are becomming more and more normal here, so sometimes i feel like there´s not too much new to say. the other part is that everything is still new and different and challenging, and how can i even begin to share my entire world here? i´m finding that many times, words fail to describe life, in english or spanish...

i will attempt a few updates, in bullet-point form.

the other day, i had another beautiful ¨this is peru, and i can´t believe this is my new home¨ moment. actually, i have those moments daily,but this one especially struck me. i was walking down the street, headed home after work, and i was overwhelmed with this place. i felt completely awestruck by the fact that i was walking home, down my own block on a beautifulspring day, and it felt pretty normal. the sun was shining, there was a light breeze, and the dust had somehow miraculously stopped blowing everywhere for a second. i was taking everything in, enjoying every color and sound, and even the rubble that i was walking through. and then i saw it...a man, about 50 feet away walking around the corner, pulling with all his strength a 30 foot rope. i stop for a second, wondering what it could be that he´s pulling on the other end of the rope, and out walks a full-size bull, tied by the horns. and this man is just taking him for a walk down the street...
i had my first performance with the band! we sang for todd´s birthday party, and it was awesome--we had an enormous sound-system set up in our back yard, full band, and we rocked out! todd requested some good old fashioned rock & roll for the party, so everything was in english, but next concert will have to be all castellano! it has been such a joy to be able to sing here--i can honestly say that my soul flies when i sing at the top of my lungs, especially in spanish. it has been the most beautiful constant for me here, and much needed source of comfort. my friend roger has taken me on as somewhat of a musical apprentice, and he´s teahing me everything he knows about music (which is quite a lot), everything from castellano rock to cumbia to balladas, to guitar lessons! the culture of music has been one of the best surprises that i´ve found in chimbote.

there was a pretty big ¨temblor¨ the other day, an earth tremor. julie and i were working at the tb clinic, and all of the sudden, the windows started to rattle and the whole building shook. julie and i looked at eachother with huge dopey excited grins, and realized that the woman we were working with put her head on the table and started to pray. apparently not something to rejoice over...also they were prediciting another big temblor, or even an actual terremoto, an earthquake, last week, but, don´t worry mom, it never happened. but it´s pretty humbling to feel the entire earth move and know that no one is above nature...

i went to a galvez futbol (soccer) game last weekend. the team is from chimbote, and it was a pretty cool experience! i was there passing out stickers for an anti-racism campaign with comision justicia social (social justice comission, where jane works). apart from being cat-called every 3 seconds and even gropped by the all-male crowd, i was overwhelmed by the sense of community and the importance of futbol, worldwide. i was thinking about why futbol is often a sport associated with impoverished countries...my conclusion is this--futbol is one of the only sports that doesn´t require any sort of equipment to play. no hoops, no grass necessary. all you need is a flat surface, something to mark a goal, and a ball (which can even be made out of tape and some old newspapers). and it creates a beautiful sense of community in places where often people have very little to rejoice about
there has been an influx of gringos in chimbote this past month, and i can honestly say that it has been an interesting challenge...it started with a group of med students at maternidad, and i was so annoyed when their volunteer coordinator just walked up to me and said ¨uh, hey¨ and started talking to me in english! i was at work where i try to only speak spanish and she just assumed that i would be the best person to talk to in order to arrange a volunteer opportunity for the students. she called our cell phone the next day to ask me if it was okay if she sent a group in for the morning. i kind of laughed, and told her i definitely don´t have the authority to say ¨sure, come on in¨. after all, i am still basically a guest there and trying to find my own roll. it was so frustrating that she assumed the gringo would be the person to talk to. i cannot stand that ethnocentric attitude. we are all guests here, and i can´t even describe here how frustrating it was to be confronted with that mentality. then last weekend, there was a big benefit dinner for the hospice, and a large group of u.s. benefactors from minnesota were there. it was so weird to be surrounded by gringos--minnesotans even. and to have that juxtaposed with the desire to spend the entire time with my peruano friends who were there. it is strange to be in a place where i am starting to identify more with peruvians than gringos. and to be totallyembarassed by some of the gringos. for example, one man who obviously was drunk and didn´t speak any spanish, wearing a hawaiian shirt (por supuesto), telling a woman who was selling raffle tickets for 1 s/. (about 30 cents), in english, ¨i can´t, i´m broke now after buying the last ticket from you¨. seriously! i´m trying to not be too anti-u.s. here, and to paint a better picture of ¨americanos¨ but no wonder there´s an international hostility towards us...

unfortunatley, i am running out of internet time here (there´s just never enough!), but i do want updates/life stories/struggles/jokes from you, and i would love to share more personal moments with those who care to know, so please send emails. or real mail! almost into month 3, and those comforts mean so much.

con amor,

corina

h---a---double l---o---w---double e---n

2008-10-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

spells halloween!

hi friends,

a lengthy, disgustingly detailed post will follow some day soon. just want to let you know that i´m still alive and leave you with my favorite halloween/midwife joke:

why can´t the which have any babies?

because her husband has a halloween-y.

jajaja. maybe my next post will have a little more depth to it. maybe...

love,
cj

up to my elbows in placenta all day long!

2008-10-02T15:35:00.000-07:00

good news #1--I CAUGHT A BABY TODAY!!! ah, it was so beautiful, and i´m still trying to fathom it. absolutely incredible to be the first person to hold a new life in my hands!

good news #2--i joined a band! no, seriously...how ridiculous is that!? a few friends asked me to sing for them. so it´s just me, and 8 peruvian guys! so if i didn´t stick out before...whatever, i´ve always wanted to be a band chic!

good news #3--pictures are posted! i still need some time to go through them and label and delete and all that fun organizational stuff, but if you can handle the mess, they´re there for your enjoyment! also, check out jane and julie´s page for more!

http://mividaperuana.shutterfly.com

love love love,
me

ba bah--this is the sound of settling

2008-09-23T15:12:00.000-07:00

it´s hard to believe, but life here has begun to settle a bit--both terrifying and exciting! here are a few highlights:

WORK
i kind of have a work schedule figured out! i will be spending monday, wednesday, and friday in the posta santa clara. this is a clinic run by the sisters of charity that is completely open to the public. they have all kinds of specialties and are constantly running ¨campañas¨, public health campaigns that cover a large variety of topics. i will be able to do a whole plethora of things, from working inside the clinic (giving injections, extracting toenails, you know, all the fun stuff!), to helping with campañas in the community, to tuberculosis therapy in homes, to ¨charlas¨or health chats in local schools. i´m really looking forward to it, and they seem excited to have us there. i know i will be learning a lot and taking on a ton of responsibilities that nurses in the u.s. would never have!

on tuesdays and thursdays i will be working in ¨la maternidad¨which is a public hospital and posta for women without health insurance. i´m hoping to spend the majority of my time in the obstetrics hospital and posta. they actually don´t have any nurses that work there--the entire staff is obstetricias, which is similar to a midwife. this means that again i will be learning a TON of skills that i would not get by working as a nurse in the u.s. after working at the clinic for a while (and with more training!) i might even get to catch babies!!! this absolutely thrills me, and is an incredible step towards...well, something. perhaps what i think i want to spend my life doing...

today at maternidad i was able to observe a full delivery. this is nothing new for me, but it was such a beautiful reminder of why i love healthcare. as i fought the tears, i kept thinking how wonderful it was to be a part of something that is completely universal, that crosses all cultures, and brings forth life. in spanish, ¨to give birth¨ is translated ¨dar la luz¨--to give light. so beautiful!

CONNECTION
confession: this has been such a struggle for me here. i thrive off of human connection and have obviously never been thrown into a situation like this! since being here, i have consistently felt like i give false first impressions of who i am, all because of lack of fluency. words are so important for me in expressing who i am (especially through humor--i´m just not as funny in spanish)...it has been challenging and especially humbling to make connections without being able to fully express myself. but as i said before, i am learning that communication goes so much beyond language...

last weekend, we went on a camping trip with about 15 people from the parrish. i can honestly say it was one of the best camping experiences i have ever had--not just because camping itself was fun and hilarious, but mostly because it was such a beautiful weekend of connecting. i already knew most of the people we were with, but for the first time, i felt like i could genuinely express myself! and i think i can finally say, i have friends. i have friends!!!!!! again, absolutely beautiful!

HOME (sometimes bitter)SWEET HOME
i can´t believe i´ve been in peru for little less than a month. it feels like so much longer. but then again, it´s still exciting that i can take a combi (public transportation in a 15-passenger van) by myself and know exactly where i am and where i´m going, that i know where to go to run errands, that there´s a coffee shop (with REAL coffee!!!!!) downtown, that i frequently run into people i know on the street--all these things make me feel more and more settled. with a deep breath, i find myself again and again returning to that peruvian saying: poco a poco...little by little...

love,
cj

(p.s. i am still working on the whole picture situation! i want to be able to share all the adventures with you, but just be patient please. poco a poco!)

thoughts on culture...

2008-09-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

cultural moments that i´ve experienced in the last week:

pervians love music. LOVE dancing, singing, playing instruments. the other day we had lunch with the entire hospice staff and they welcomed us so beautifully! after everyone was done eating, they pulled out an old boom box and serached for some good dancin´tunes on the radio. then everyone got up and started dancing!! can you picture this in the u.s.--after a work-sponsored luncheon, everyone gets up in their scrubs and suits and starts dancing with eachother!? the ceo and the cleaning staff kickin´up their heels together. so wonderful.
we had our first fiesta last night! we threw a despedida for emily and nicole, the two missionaries who are headed home next week. but this was not just any party...we danced, **NONSTOP, from 9 pm to 5 am, when we finally had to turn off the music and kick the remaining partiers out! we are totally exhausted today, but some of our new friends invited us to go out to a discoteca again tonight. i swear, pervians do not need sleep! (**note: i lied, i did sneak off of the dance floor for about an hour, around 3 am. i spent my little break talking to 2 of my new friends, each in their late 50s or 60s, about peruvian politics and the role of the u.s. government in international poverty issues, making this not only one of the most fun, but also the most enlightening parties i have ever been to)
i had a beautiful ¨this is peru at it´s finest¨ moment today. we went over to the church this afternoon to help prepare for a youth fundraiser that´s happening tomorrow. they are having a ¨cuyada¨. although most of you would consider cuy a pet, in peru it is a ceremonial treat--roasted guinea pig. words cannot even describe how wonderful this scene was, but i will try...we walked through the kitchen to a back patio. about five older pervuvian women circled around a sack of potatoes the size of a peruvian adult. they were peeling thousands of potatoes with dull butcher knives and throwing them into the largest pot i have ever seen. and hanging above them, a laundry line, with pink underwear on one end, and the on other, hundreds of skinned, gutted guinea pigs hanging out to dry!!! it was such a wonderful moment...one of those images that will remain with me forever as an image of the real peru...and i had to stop and remind myself that this is a pretty unremarkable scene to them, but to me, it was infinitely beautiful. on a slight note of irony, i ate a piece of candy today, and on the inside of the wrapper, this message: try something new tomorrow. somehow, i doubt whether the writer of that little tidbit of advice was thinking that eating guinea pig would be the adventure to try, but i will take it to heart anyway and eat it with a smile on my face!

lima bean

2008-08-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

hi friends,

we left lima on thursday and made the long bus trek to chimbote! so now we are just beginning to settle in, discover the city, and attempting to normalize life a little. here are some initial thoughts--

this is a dusty, dusty city, and i will never feel clean again.
i have never felt so welcomed by strangers.
spanish is hard, and i feel like i'm in a bubble sometimes. but i am finding a little comfort in knowing that language is only one means of communication.
i am finding myself struggling with the lack of control, so when i find tiny things i can control (like putting my clothes on hangers, as silly as it sounds), i am awed.
i never thought i would be singing in a peruvian youth choir, but by chance (and a little language misunderstanding), todd, jane, julie and i all ended up performing at a concierto last night with one of the parish coros!!! it was hilarious, but fun to jump right in and be a part of something.
i have not seen much yet, but i already know that the poverty here is more than i ever anticipated...
i spent one day with hospice workers, and have never seen people in worse shape--by far the worst bed sores i have ever seen on persons who have been neglected. a simple lack of resources and healthcare that has cost many their dignity.
as hard as adjusting is, i am finding comfort in small things, and trying to remember to breathe and take it all in...
I HAVE A NEW NAME!!!! i tried out a few different ones, and nothing felt right. then, it finally came to me one day, peruvians can actually pronounce it, and it seems to fit me--corina. nice, eh?

thanks for the prayers, emails, thoughts, support!

besitos,

good news, bad news

2008-08-26T21:14:00.001-07:00

the good news--i have arrived in lima, and the actual travelling part was not bad at all!

the bad news--we hit torrential rains in panama and EVERYTHING i own is soaked and will certainly not dry for, oh i don´t know, at least a month. ah well, i guess the rain (plus jane´s missing suitcase) are just sweet reminders of what it means to be living simply...and travelling in south america

although we were all exhausted from travelling, today was marvelous. here are some highlights:

sleeping in for the first time in 3 weeks
the wonder that is lima
learning about peru´s recent, brutal history, which we unfortunately never hear about in the states. did you know that over 69,000 people died due to terrorist and military action between 1980-2000? me neither. it´s ridiculous what we fail to hear in world news...
speaking spanish (or at least listening attentively and then nodding my head, as if i understood everything)
the best seafood in the world

anyway, all is well in the southern hemisphere...basically a lot of excitment (punctuated by moments of two years? seriously? can i go two years without hot showers and real coffee?)

i think i can i think i can i think i can...

the last goodbyes...

2008-08-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

i find myself needing to take a deep breath, and then dive into the next step, headfirst. these have been some of the most challenging weeks of my life, but also some of the most rewarding, and i know this is barely the beginning.

today, as my sister and mom drove off, i was hit in the gut with the impact of what tomorrow will bring. i handed over my cell phone and said goodbye, and in that moment, i realized that it was symbolic of the huge changes that are coming, perhaps faster than i would like...i am being stripped of everything i know (as my friend heidi says, stripped bare), and jumping into a world of unknowns, lack of control, and simple trust. it feels like the first time i went scuba diving--even though i had been prepared and had some notions of what to expect, the hardest part was the moment that i had to slide off the boat, back-first and without looking, into a sea of unknowns, and just trust. and now i relive the feelings of just having enough courage to get out of the boat, and let god explode my every expectation...

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JUMP!!!!

incarnational what?!

2008-08-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

**note: click on bold words for more information**

okay, i know what you're thinking..."it's friday night and everyone's out having fun, and cj's sitting in a dorm room thinking about incarnational spirituality and social analysis?!" true. it's been a challenging week. so, here are my scattered thoughts on incarnational spirituality (don't let that scare you, i'll try to keep it interesting!!)...

i admit that i was a bit hesitant to apply to a program called "incarnate word missionaries." for a long time i told people i was volunteering with the sisters of charity. true, yes, but the full name is the congregation of the sisters of charity of the incarnate word. that's a lot of big scary words with some (perhaps unfortunately deserved) implications and attached stigma. i just want to serve in love, not preach. well, i am slowly learning that this is the exact spirit of incarnational spirituality. let me break it down for you.

"incarnation" literally means embodied in flesh. the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us (john 1:14). "the incarnation"= jesus. simple, right? it is until you consider the fact that "christ has no body now but yours" as teresa of avila says.

so all this to say, we are christ's hands and feet. and that's where it becomes tricky, because it's not in some figurative, symbolic way. the congregation started when bishop dubuis of texas wrote a letter stating "our lord jesus christ, suffering in the persons of a multitude of the sick and infirm of every kind, seeks relief at your hands". the sisters responded, and now lay missionaries can continue in that tradition. our mission statement is as follows:

we, the missionaries, inspired by the charism and mission of the incarnate word, choose to live in community and walk in solidarity with the economically poor and marginalized, in order to be transformed by them and to transform unjust social structures that keep people economically poor and marginalized.

i like how shane claiborne puts it in his book the irresistible revolution (as most of you know, shane is a personal hero of mine. caution: this book will severely disturb one's worldview):

as we practice hospitality, there comes a point where the suffering around us drives us to ask what it would take to reimagine the world. we've all heard the saying "give someone a fish and they'll eat for a day, but teach them to fish and they'll eat for the rest of their life." but our friend john perkins challenges us to go farther. he says "the problem is that nobody is asking who owns the pond." as we consider economics, some of us will give people fish. others will teach people to fish. but still others must be looking at who owns the pond and who polluted it, for these are also essential questions for our survival. we must storm the fence that has been built around the pond and make sure that everyone can get to it, for there are enough fish for all of us.

and this is exactly what motivates me for the challenges ahead...

#2 and a new name

2008-08-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

first, a visual review of the week:
the peru girls remember the alamo

peruanas at the riverwalk (jane, me, julie)

chapel of the incarnate word

most of the group--missionaries at a missions game--that's funny!
(the san antonio minor league team)

first week of orientation is officially over, and as we begin our second, i think we can all say that we are officially pooped-out. this past week has been filled with a lot of learning and a lot of fun, but i am definitely looking forward to this week, as we start to discuss issues like cultural reciprocity, latin american reality, social analysis, and of course, the myers-briggs! here are a few highlights of last week:

the enneagram: for those of you who don't know, the enneagram is a type of personality map. it basically places you in one of nine types, but unlike the myers-briggs, it does not box you in. it is more of a tool to understanding one's own personality and needs. i am thinking i fall most closely in the category of a 2. that explains a lot about me. for more information, and to try to figure out where you fall, check out the link on the right!
we've been able to get out a little, which is beautiful, but me and some of the girls are feeling a little stir-crazy! there's not much to do in the area, so we have had to be creative in entertaining ourselves and finding ways to escape the "compound" without anything to do nearby and without transportation...makes it tricky.
if anything, this week has calmed some of my fears and made me so excited to actually head out to peru! i am finding that my spirituality mostly falls in line with the peruvian girls as well as the sisters of charity. of course there are differences, but i am feeling much more at ease. i guess i expected a little more friction, being the only non-catholic, but it's actually been great. i've met some really incredible, hard-core nuns, that are clearly super-passionate about making this the best experience possible for us!
my new name--one concern i had for peru is the fact that my name does not translate to spanish; in fact, nothing comes even close and it's really really difficult to pronounce if spanish is your first language. i'm still trying to work this one out...some of the girls have taken to calling me "coco", which, honestly, doesn't really thrill me. other suggestions have been "coca" (like coca cola), "coqueta" (which means fashionable or flirt-haha), or "cj" (which, obvioulsy is my nickname, but en espanol, it would be pronounced "say-ho-ta"). so i'm taking votes and new suggestions!
thanks again for all the calls/emails/facebooking! i know it's only been a week, but it feels like a whole lot longer, so it's great to get news from home and still maintain connections. shoot me an email if you want my address, for either here in san an or for peru!

love,
cj

hot hot hot (or cold).

2008-08-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

hi friends. i am in san antonio now, and the heat is absolutely BRUTAL. seriously, who lives in texas in august?! but alas, orientation starts tomorrow! i've had fun tonight getting to know the girls, but i'm a little nervous about spending so much time in a classroom...

a few business notes: -if you email me, i will definitely respond (with a little time). but know that i am much more inclined to respond to an already-received email, rather than send one spontaneously. again, my email is: courtneyjcranston@gmail.com
-i have a skype account, so if you want to hear my voice, set one up and we can talk for free! my account name is the same as my email/blog: courtneyjcranston
-i still have my phone, so you can call me in the next 3 weeks!

the last week has been an incredible rush of emotions (to say the least). in the spirit of pure honesty, the following is an excerpt from my journal, as i was writing on the plane ride from chicago to san antonio:
i can't even fathom what is going on within me right now...thank you for making this past week so incredibly overwhelming and for letting me feel perfectly loved and completely known. i have never experienced such genuine love and feelings of worth in such a concentrated amount. right now i am filled with: love, anxiety, joy, confusion, worry, anticipation, and intense loss. all of the comforts i have ever known are being stripped away, or at least, changing in the most unpredictable way. as uncomfortable as this time is, i love that in this heightened emotion i feel fully ALIVE. and i want to savor every hug, every tear, every letter, every laugh, every conversation, and every breath....

and now, a few photo highlights of the past week (in no particular order. thanks, blogger):

ahh, so much love. goodnight.

a little confusion and a lot of excitement!

2008-07-24T16:15:00.001-07:00

hi friends,

it seems as though there is a little confusion about my whereabouts: i am NOT in peru yet!!! those pictures are from my previous trip last spring...let me clear this up...here is the schedule of where i am/will be:

tonight-tomorrow morning: mpls
7.25-7.28: wild rose
7.28-7.31: mpls, saying goodbye #1
7.31-8.2: wild rose, saying goodbye #2
8.2-8.3: chicago, goodbye #3
8.3-8.25: san antonio (iwm orientation)
8.25-sometime in 2010 (eek!): PERU!!!!

i understand why you're confused. i am confusing. life is confusing. if you want to see me anytime i am appearing in a city near you, please call me and we can set something up!

also, in other news, i have been chatting with some of the people i will be volunteering with in peru, and it has made me so incredibly excited! and also calmed me down a little bit. i'm not one to freak out, but i've been a little anxious lately; it has been wonderful to have some of my fears justified and soothed through some of the amazing people i will be experiencing this adventure with!

love,
cj

2008-07-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

a little taste of peru, from my trip there in may/june:

oh, well hello there!

2008-07-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

hi all,

here it is, the first post! this blog will be a record of my thoughts, adventures, frustrations, and all the life that i will be living while in chimbote, peru. i will be volunteering with incarnate word missionaries in a health care clinic there. i am so excited for this adventure to begin, as most of you know, international health care issues have been my hearts' passion since i could walk. i can't promise that my posts will be consistent, deep, or even very interesting, but i want you to be able to share in the adventure!

the title of this blog translates to "the glory of god is man, fully alive." i hope that through this adventure, i will be able to share in life like i have never experienced it, and know what it is to be fully alive!

love love,
cj